As another round of midweek internationals are completed, we are shocked to find that the biggest wins were only 4-0 by mighty Northern Ireland over San Marino and Croatia over Andorra. Of course, we are in an era when more one-sided games take place. The Premiership is a tournament for two to four teams depending on which club you support, the early stages of the UEFA Cup are only curious because of the names of the combatants and the qualifiers for the World Cup are dull as minor nations seek to grind out 0-0 draws in places you would never want to go. Of course, the anoraks enjoy plotting UEFA qualification games on a map of Europe using a red pin to indicate the home team and a blue pin to indicate the away team. I usually find that placing a red cotton thread between the two points if the home team wins and a blue thread if the away team wins has given me a new perspective on Lithuania and many other places in Europe. Anyway, back to my point. Presumably our leaders at FIFA and UEFA know what we want - or, at least, what is good for us. We want some good one-sided football. So, how about reducing the Premier League to two teams, making the Championship two teams and then have a Division 1 of 60 teams? Then, all the teams from Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia and Belarus could enter a special tournament where they play each other twelve times in daily games to see which one qualifies for the first round of the UEFA Cup. Finally, we need to let San Marino, Andorra and the like play each other - possibly, linking up with Christmas Island and the Seychelles. Of course, this fails to deal with the one-sided hammering that we all need. So, rather than the 39th game how about sending Pease Pottage Village and Manchester United to Malaysia to play each other and Chelsea and Eton Wick to go head to head in China. This would solve everything. Mind you, I would need to buy longer pieces of cotton thread and have a new colour coded system for games on neutral grounds, but I can work on that.